Tell Me your dreams

Have you ever sat back and thought about the dreams that you have? No i am not talking about the ones that stem from your ambitions, your desires, your goals etc. I refer more to the sudden unconnected chain that props up most unexpectedly in your deepest of slumbers, and leaves you wondering what it exactly was?

One of my own favorite pass times is to sit back and think about such dreams that have remained etched in my memory. I always like to think about how they would have come, because i do think dreams are always a manifestation of something you perhaps have been thinking of, even if only in your sub-consciousness. And yet try as i might sometimes it just doesnt make sense as to where it came from.

Let me try and describe some of the dreams of which i have no clue why they occur. Some of them are amusing, some terrifying and some downright disgusting.

1) Let me begin with one that though has not occurred in a long time now, always sends a shiver down my spine whenever i think of it. As a young kid, i always had this dream, wherein i was falling, falling from a great height, and just when i was to hit hard solid ground, i would wake up, in a sweat. I never could relate it to anything. I mean everytime i had this dream, i would try and think of how and why did i fall. And i never did have any idea. And this was a recurring dream, which kept resurfacing every now and then. Now it has been some time since i have had this dream, but whenever i think of it, i still get the goosebumps.

2) I have had dreams of my close and loved ones suddenly dying. and somehow i see myself standing alone, yet absolutely dispassionate, as if death was the most mechanical and matter of fact thing to have happened. and i hate this dream. because it makes me hate my own self, to be seeing my those i love go away from me, and yet be so nonchalant about it. Paints a gory picture of my own self.

3) I do have my share of amusing dreams too. Once i dreamt i was getting married, and on the day of the ceremony i see my bride to be all upset and weeping. Why? because she lost one of her shoes, or rather someones stolen one of her shoes. So i am now runnin around looking for that one shoe here and there, and i finally manage to locate it, and when i give it to her, her eyes light up like anything. Woosh. thats about it. Funny eh? of all the things one would like to be seen doing on his big day, this really wouldnt be the thing to do. And try as i might like to see what this meant, i have no idea where i got this one from. It was like a bolt from the blue, and it had me laughing the whole day.

4) i have dreamt of trying to reach the end of the universe. And i never reach it. Because somewhere it completely shuts off the imagination, when you start to think of what is the boundary, what lies beyond the boundary and what beyond that beyond. Its like an overwhelming sense of emptiness that engulfs me each time i dream this. and i feel so small, tucked away in a remote corner of this universe.

Of course there are so many other things one dreams of, related to events and happenings in ones life. Most of them you can connect to something. But some like the above, remain just as unconnected and an enigma as you could think of. only to leave you in a state of trance everytime you that dream.

Dreamer is a self-confessed expert on interpreting dreams. he really is able to think through a lot of them, and give reasons that would amaze you. Maybe someday ill ask him to interpret some of my intriguing dreams for a change. But not now. sometime later.

As of now, would like to tell me your dreams?

Will you be My Pheerrrrrrrraaaaaaaaanddddddd???

"Hi there, you are looking extremely cute, i am also looking very handsome, will you be my pheeraaaaaaaaaaannnnddd, and promise to hold my hand in everlasting pheeraaandshippp for ever and ever and ever".

Ok time out. Nothings gone wrong with me. i am absolutely normally abnormal. what i just wrote was a description of what i generally find popping up on the scrapbooks of my freinds from the female fraternity, on orkut. And though they always give me a lot of reason to literally laugh my guts out, it always amazes me as to see the law of equilibrium being so totally wish washed, crushed and marauded in this absolutely inexplicable expression of ones frustration desperation and you kow what. and well my sympathies always with my freinds who have to bear these crazy expressions and requests for everlasting relationships and all the kinds of ships that keep popping up from time to time.

And everytime i read one of these hilarious ( of course irritating if you are the receipient of the message) scraps, i am but forced to think, is desperation only a male prerogative. I mean i am yet to receive one scrap asking my hand in everlasting freindship from anyone from the opposite sex. and well people do say i am cute enough. ;P.......and none of my other bretheren have received any such requests either.

anyways so coming back to these amazing scraps that i keep encountering, and which provide me enormous opportunities to indulge in some good leg pulling of my poor freinds, let me show recount some of the masterpieces i have seen.

1) you are looking cute. will you be my freind. ( upon the recepients response, he qualifies it further as " you look like a doll".....abe kyun bechari haad maans ki insaan ko bejaan vastu se compare karta hai.....tsk tsk tsk.)

2) Aami tomake prem korbo - ( ulp i hope the bengali is correct :P...this one was one awesome scrap. direct, short and to the point. come on yaar, the fact that you are from his region, is reason enough for the raja ko raani se pyaar ho gaya thingy to happen - ).

3)Hi...i am ___, i am new to this place, and want to make some good freinds and make some good fun. will you make my good freind. will you hold my hand in everlasting phreindship for every and every. and then please scrap me back. your only ( errrr,everytime i recount this one i come up with one more version, but this takes the cake for literally showing the heights of desperation....a little more and he could beat himesh reshamiyaan in my vote for kiski-akhonsephele-aansoon-ponchon contest.)

4) Hi. Will you marry me. ( another straightforward, to the point scrap. jab miyan biwi ho raazi to kya karega qazi???)

There are many more versions of the same type. They do provide some funny situations at time, but can be highly annoying at others. generally best to ignore all those awesome scraps. however sometimes, people do respond in kind like for example this one, which actually takes all my votes for being the best response ever. it was forwarded by a freind to me.

" Did i visit your profile?NO. Did i leave you a scrap or send you a freind request? NO.Did i fall on your feet and begged YOU, whose existence i had no idea of till you left me that godamn scrap, to be my freind, or ask you to send me your "precious" friend request? NO. was my "about me" section meant personally for you? NO.Then who in the world are you to tell me which networking site to join, what to do, or even what to write on my bloody profile? Go screw yourself man, you are not even worth this reply. What do you think, i am waiting eagerly for some random guy by named XXXX ( who by the way thinks he is one up on me by dissing me about what ive written on MY OWN profile) to send me a freind request and ill accept it the moment i spot it?I joined this site to have MY freinds on my list, not have some radom strangers ( like you) leaving scraps or wanting to be freinds with me. So shut the hell up. "

Woooh.....i am sure the guy in question would have committed suicide after this. or atleast removed his profile from orkut. :P. not wait, i guess some things dont change. maybe hes desperate as ever.

Anyways, my simple advice to them out there. go get a life dudes.

and to my dear dearest buddies who are the receipients of these awesome scraps, well you know best. Ignorance is bliss. he he he. so chillax.

errr by the way princess and jo......hiyaaa.......i saaaaa yaaa on orkutwaaaaa.....and i mustaaa saaayaaaa.....you are damnaaaaaaaaa what i say yaaa........so will yaaaaaaaaaa be my pheeranaaadwaaaaaaaaaaaa.......i promise...i promise........i wont ever ask ya to gift me the harley davidsonwaaaaaaaaaa........wot say ya...i wait in eternal wait.......:P.

Hero ban gaya zero :((

Haan yeh main hoon, aur main chilla chilla ke keh raha hoon yeh baat. Beta mumbai mein ho to kabhi bhagwaan indra se panga nahin lena. aur agar lena bhi hai to remember you are not a Sunny deol or the more in fad Rajnikant, who can with all those gravity defying stunts silence all their enemies.
To keep a long story as long as possible,

Hua yeh,
ki pichle shanivaar,
nikle hum apni dhanno pe sawaar,
powai se colaba,
guitar theek karwaana hai tha pucca irada,
naa poochna kyun gaye itni door,
humein bata dete hain ishtyle maarne ka hai dastoor,
socha dhanno pe dekh humein sawaar,
bagal mein daale hamara guitar,
kya maaloom ho jaaye koi haseena hum jaanisaar,
to issi khwaab mein mashgool ja rahe the itni door,
ke beech mein bol pade meghdoot,
aur bole to aise bole,
ki reh gaye hum to bhochakke,
par aji haan herogiri chaayee thi hum par aisi,
ki bole beta date raho maidan mein,
hogi jeet tumhari hi,
to bus chalte ja rahe chalte ja rahe,
na baarish ki chinta, na girne ka darr,
chale ja chale ja rahe,
ki tabhi aaya humko dhyaan,
jeb mein hain hamari jaan,
yaani hamara pyaara sa mobile shreeman,
kahin paani se ho jaaye na iska naash,
daal diya guitar ke bag mein usko,
ki bachega paani se woh,
lekin hai re hamari kismat,
pahunch ke colaba khola jo humne bag,
paani ke saagar mein gote laga raha tha,
bus phir kya tha,
teen din,
teen din bade saahas se lada hamara mobile,
par honi to kucch aur hi thi,
ho gaya woh veergati ko praapt,
aur tab se bus issi ke dukh mein ji rahe hain,
na mili haseena, bahaya itna paseena,
aur kar diya 5500 rokre ka chuna,
chalte chalte phisal gaye so alag,
to doston mere,
agar is sadi hui kavita ke ant tak aa hi chuke ho aap,
to sunte jao yeh aakhri alaap,
chalo rehno do,
phir bataonga, abhi nahin ban raha yeh alaap.


P.s - i know this post sucks big time. My apologies for the extra headache. dispirings available on the house. :D.

Orkutting Chirkutting and all

Ok i am right now in a hurry to rush to office, but i just had to write this, after the news i read, with an agency set up by the Indian government called the Indian Computer Emergency Response Team, thinking of banning the site orkut, following attacks by some senseless people because of derogatory communities / comments on some personailities etc.

And i guess i am disgusted. I mean what the heck? this is a world of more than 5 billion people, if i am not wrong, a decent ( correct me if i am wrong) percentage of that are now logged on to the net now, and a significant chunk of that would perhaps be on orkut. Now all these millions of people have different opinion, tastes, lines of thoughts, some intellectual,some downright pervert, and so on and so forth. so? Some crazy dimwit decides hes had enough of treating of a particular personanality as a God and decides to create a community to lambast that particular community. Crazy enough, as if it should in any way affect that personalitys ways of going about? or better still another jerk creates a " we hate so and so country" community and another couple of jerks join in. So?

We get all perked up and agitated and want the site to be banned? is that logical? i mean you dont like a community, dont access the webpage, dont read the comments. Why get so hyper about it? Just because someone writes something wrong about my country, or my religion or my god, or my role model, does it mean its going to change my faith/ leaning towards. True even i would perhaps get hurt, but so what, am i supposed to vouch for a uniform civil code thingy here.

And on top it all, rather than streamlining these silly protestors our good old authorities want to ban the site. Simply because its free, it does not want to take any actions, because it respects everyones lines of thoughts / opinions ( even the perverts if i may say so). Fine enough boss.

For a lot of us out here on orkut, the site is a means of getting in touch with long lost freinds, catching up with them in this world thats fast running away like a Bullet train. we really dont bother what else goes on here, and if someone amongst us even does, to him his space, so long he/she does not expect us to follow suit. Plain and simple.

To be sure, there are more important things, such as school going children getting addicted and wasting hours on the net when they should be studying / playing etc. that is a matter for parents to deal with. and parents could perhaps be given a slight education on what the site is and what so many other sites are. In fact strangely enough no one has paid heed to the fact that the site also has a number of pornographic communities that are more harmful atleast for the young impressionable minds, than some silly we hate you-you hate us stuff. Perhaps that age old adage of Sex-Sells stops people from looking at that aspect and checking ways to stop that menace.

Anyways, its been a long rant. I sincerely hope that people start to look at the broader picture than such stupid miniscule thingies. Off late this narrowmindedness on major issues seems to have really caught on like a wildfire everywhere. would write something on that later.

Mere desh ki authorities, mature for a change pleaseeeeeee.

Of Heroes Warriors and Paladins

This ones dedicated to my own self. I thought about doing a little bit more of self praising and self patting on the back. and so took this test at this site called howtobeahero.com.

and well the results you can see on the right hand side.

Did i not tell you i am the epitome of humility. :D.

p.s. - you make the test at the site indicated. However, a working knowledge of Harry Puttar and Lord of the Rings is a must.......:D

Mujhse Dosti Karoge?

I tell you i always admire the grit and patience and you know what of my bestest freinds, for the simple fact they have me for their freind. No, no i dont mean i am the meethi churi kinds who will take a freind for a ride, but i do have some peculiar things up my sleeve, which well sometimes could just be handful. and though its just me out there, i just thought let me see what i can say about my own self.

Let me now begin.

1) I am Selfish - Period. I am one of the most selfish blokes around here. and i consider it a virtue.Everything i do, i do it for me ( a nice modification to the Bryan Adams song there aint it). No i mean it. If i ever i told you, that look this is what i did for you, and this is how you got back to me, please feel free to come over and give me a tight slap. ill take it. because i firmly believe that no one does anything for anyone else in this world, except for his own self. And so when i make some good freinds and try to maintain contacts through and through, i do it for my own self. I do it, coz those few best freinds somewhere are making my life more meaningful. Thats about it. a plain simple selfish reason.

2) I am highly demanding - So the next time i go over to her place, princess has to find me a cute bengali kudi who also is a vegetarian. Dreamer had to actually get a harley davidson and a mercedes when i met him. See it told you? i am really demanding.

3) I am highly emotional and temperamental- Yep i am. and trust this is one facet i wish to change albeit not completely. Sometimes, high on emotions makes me lose sight of the bigger picture and focus on trivial petty matters. and that is really not very endearing to you my good freinds i guess. and guess i look upon my freinds to help me change this aspect to that extent.

4) I am a patient listner - Yeah this is something i can say i am proud of. i generally am a patient listner. subject to point no 5, i can listen to you at length, whenever, whatever the time or place maybe. And even if i may not understand your point of veiw or exactly agree with it i will atleast listen to you, subject again to point no 5.

5) Advice is the only thing in this world that is free - i could be a poster boy for this "give advice always" campaign if and when initiated. like i said in point no 4, i can listen to you at lenght, but you have to listen to some of my advices again and again. Some may be rational, some a little impractical given that i am not one in the actual situation, some perhaps downright senseless, but theyll come. small, big, fat, thin, black, white, grey, all kinds of advice. philosophical, personal, professional, i give advice. They say in fact i could become a counsellor someday. trouble is, how many clients would i have?
And no i do not take it personally if you do not follow my advice. Of course you are in for it, if you continue to pursue that eye-candy i have been eying for sometime now, and which i advised you against it. Other than that, as long as you listen to me, its ok.

6) I am crazy - yep you heard it right. i am crazy. downright crazy. and so i keep doing all sorts of things. i have been nominated for lecturing on " how to give anonymous calls and scare the hell out of people"..........." how to send anonymous gifts and then act hurt when you realise, the person has not understood who it is (after all aur kaun hota princess??)"........this is just an example of some of the acceptable craziness i indulge in. the unacceptable ones? suffice to say my freinds know it.

7) I am a humble soul - Oh i am the epitome of humility. i mean i could go and be nominated for the most bakwaass blogger in the world and you will never come to know, except from my own mouth. i mean it. with me you will never feel as if you are walking alongside a walking-talking bragabond. unless of course its the 5 year olds bicycle race that i won the other day, by dressing as kiddo in chaddis and tshirt. after all mere chehre se meri umar ka pata nahin chalta. :D

Oh hell i wanted to complete ten points and now i am falling short of three. let me see, can someone help me complete them. but for that youll have to be my freind.

to kya aap mujhse dosti karoge? :). A huge bar of chocolate for the ladies who come forward, and a mug of beer for the gents. errr, could i add a good negotiator as one of the other virtues to that list. tell tell.

Yeah!!!!

This is going to be long....so bear with me. and i offer a compensation to you....a huge bar of chocolate for the ladies........and a mug of beer for the gentlemen. :)

Now ive been wanting to go for management for a long time, is something thats a given. why did it come to me? well, to be honest, when i first entered class 11th, and during one of those substitute classes where a teacher would come and not teach, coz the regular teacher was absent and someone was required to take her place. so now this teacher of ours, she was talking about the CAT exam and about the iims. and as we starry eyed kids listened to her, she told about how tough the exam was and the interveiw and all, and i was like i will give this exam. it might seem silly, but at that time i had already decided on pursuing my engineering, had started my jee preparation ( i didnt work hard enough to crack it, is a thing ill always lament, though i made it through REE), and so i thought CAT would be the next thing after engineering. And there it lay. However, there was nothing i knew really about the MBA. i just knew CAT then.

As time progressed, i managed to secure a place at roorkee, and well it was a disappointment that i was not doing electronics engineering there. and so the days passed with me studying chemical engineering, somehow not really liking it. i finished the degree with a not so great grade, got the job and all. In between, i had gone through the usual stage of deciding what to do, weighin the GRE, ( i actually took a summer project to impress a professor who could give me reccos for my MS application, and actually started studying for GRE, before leaving it :DD), then leaving it for CAT preparation in final year, and then finally deciding to forego MBA till after a couple of years of my job.

Anyways so here i was into my job, with usual gammut of working, then cribbing, lying useless at times ( i once compared myself to the peon in our site office and how we was doing more work than me) and planning for my mba. Of course by this time i had finally started understanding what management would mean. But then wherever i read, whatever i heard, the main talk was on Finance and Consulting as the two "hot" things to pursue. The million dollar dreams being dished out by the IIMs generally seemed to be about I-banking or consulting and the likes. or atleast that is what i saw/heard/read.

As for me, i was unclear about what i wanted to do. I-banking? Share markets? Consulting? Marketing? what. and i was never able to decide. i always thought i would leave it to after i actually made it to a b-school, after i had been exposed to all they had to offer to me. And when someone asked me, i had a ready answer " I have my options open".:DD

Now its been three years out of college. and past two years have been spent chasing this MBA dream, without too much of a success, except of course for GMAT. and now i have finally belatedly started the process of applying to foreign B-Schools too. and that has perhaps instigated in me this process of thinking. One thing i find good about this process,which perhaps is very different from the CAT, that the process actually makes you think about a lot of things. and some thinking never did anyone any harm. :P

And so out of this thought process has finally arisen something. Something like a spark, how long its lasts is something time will tell, but lets see. Perhaps its got to do with the industry that i am in, or whatever, but one thing i know for sure is i am not going to be driven to Finance. I somehow have a feeling i can never enjoy the job. I might do really well, but somehow it doesnt attract me. And add to that, the stories about zero personal life ( i am always very particular on that,) and i guess that is not something i want to do.

No wait, why i am first writing about what i dont want to do? why not write what i want to do? simple, because perhaps its easy to discard things you think you wont like quickly. :)).
Having said that, i have been analysing myself off late. and something tells me i am the kind of person, who likes to be in the thick of things. Who likes to take the decisions, the strategies and would like to direct the actual work that generates the value. I am the kind of person who wants to be part of the action, not advising on the action (Consulting) or handling the fruits of the action ( money). Of course thats a very very laymannish description of what a consult guy or a finance guy would do, and i am not belittling their activities, they do a lot of whole lot of important stuff, but still its not the real thing, is what i feel.

Right now i am in an engineering and construction firm, and after an initial year of execution of projects, which i admit i had not liked back then, i have been in marketing for projects. and i yearn to go back into execution. because thats the real business we do. I am not too much into generation of business as into doing of the business, is what i am beginning to feel. that is what attracts me. it might be a case of the other fruit always being sweeter ( i did detest execution in the beginning, but then i had been thrust into a project in the middle when it was only going downhill, and the activities given to me were not good enough, as i see when i compare them to what my juniors get in new projects when they join), but something tells me.

And all this thinking has made me realise, its general management and operations is what i am looking for. That is where i wish to go. A position which asks me to manage people, manage resources, handle day-day to day problems in an organisation as it strives to achieve the goal. And someday down the line, i wish to digress into the social sector.

So thats what ive been thinking of late. and that is how my search for US Bschools is progressing. for once finally i am a little clear on what i wish to do. Again i still do not have a definite career path. but where in what direction it is heading seems to be clearing. There are still a lot of uncertainities there. but still something looks to be happening.

So thats about it. And now that the long thought process is over. you can raise you heads, relax your eyes, stretch your muscles, shake your head, wonder at the accomplishment of having read such a huge piece, and go over for that bar of chocolate for the ladies and that mug of beer for the gentlemen respectively. On the house absolutely. Kiska house?? arre tera aur kya nahin to mera kya.......huh.

Chaos

Roasted, Fried and Grilled :(

Yikes!!!!!!
Those three words kind of describe just what i am feeling right now. Its getting hotter by the day here in Mumbai. And must say this happens to be the hottest of the three summers that i have seen here. That is not to say things could not have been worse. In fact they already are up there in the North. And guess i should have been used to it, having stayed for the most part of my life up there in delhi and roorkee.

During my second year of college at Roorkee, we had stayed back for doing a project during the summer vacations. The project in itself was a sham, coz me and my partner ended up chatting away to glory all through the day in the lab, managing to even cause a minor fire in the laboratory, and irking the lab assistant, more so because we never did manage to do the mandatory Ganesh ki pooja as he so wanted. Anyways, during those summers i stayed on the second floor of the hostel in a room situated in an aptly called "Boiler Wing'. Why? coz the wing literally faced the brunt of the sun day in and day out. In the morning, you had the 10'0 clock sooraj maharaj beating down on you while the evenings had him glinting wickedly through the rear windows of our room. Result? even at 12 in the night our rooms felt like the insides of a microwave.

Compared to that, its better here. and yet i am cribbing. cant help it th0ugh. cribbing comes second nature to me.

Anyways, its been sometime since i wrote something. so again, a multitude of unconnected thoughts are springing up in that two and half kg mound up on top of my anatomy.

I had a busy day today, after office that is. Was supposed to go attend an admissions information session of ISB ( Indian School of Business Hyderabad), but skipped it, and instead chose to sleep away the lazy hot afternoon. Then got up and did a little bit of cleaning up of my room. I swear my home looks like a temporary war ravaged shelter for a thousand refugees. and i am looking forward to the day when i can change places and live by myself and at best my one roomie. 4-5 at times guys living in a two bedroom house, well you know how it can be. and there was a time i used to pride myself on being neat and tidy. Anyways, so i did some cleaning of my table, my computer speakers and all. Then since our maid is not here, so made some food for myself and my roomie, washed some clothes, had a nice cold bath (the water did feel cold), and then served self and my freind some dinner ( errr, ladies if you reading this, its basically to impress on you the good husband material that i make). and now i am sitting here trying to make some sense of the nonsense that i have been writing.

Ok cut it chaos, you really have nothing to make of the thoughts rushing by out there. Wind up and go to sleep. there should be a better time to write something later.

Good nite.

Shit happens!!!!!

Yeah it does, and it does to almost everyone on this planet.
So i was kinda taken aback when while chatting with an old pal of mine, he suddenly uttered to me, he couldnt believe shit could happen to me. Woah !!!!!!

Am i that special or endowed by the good lord, as to always be in his favorite books and never go through tough times at all??

Well yeah, i have been fortunate enough that the first half of my hopefully long life, has passed off mostly smoothly, with things pretty much always ending up good for me. And, yeah well, theres always scope for improvement, and one has always a thousand desires at any point of time in life,and he works towards them, or atleast dreams of seeing them fulfilled, or when he cant do anything about them, of hoping things would work out. But then things sometimes just go against you. And depending on your level of tolerance, you would or would not classify that as 'shit' happening to you.

But the fact is that shit does happen, and i guess its important for a lot of reasons. The very least i guess, is for you to appreciate what is the good that exists in here. For you to touch base with yourself, for you to realise that you are but a miniscule in the big big world, and much as you might not like, there are things are not governed by only what you like or dislike. Sometimes, guess it happens just to get you back to your ground, to your roots.

Having said that, it still is important to work yourself out of that 'shit', and try it does not happen to you again. Atleast not that type of 'shit'. a different one perhaps. but definitely not a repitition.

Woooh, i have perhaps never used one word so many times in such a short conversation. now thats some record of sorts.

You

Chanced upon this poem by Rilkes at a freind's blog. beautiful, i must say.

You who never arrived in my arms, Beloved, who were lostfrom the start,
I don't even know what songswould please you.
I have given up tryingto recognize you in the surging wave of the next moment.

All the immenseimages in me- the far-off, deeply-felt landscape,cities, towers, and bridges,
and unsuspectedturns in the path,and those powerful lands that were once pulsing with the life of the gods-all rise within me to meanyou, who forever elude me.

You, Beloved, who are all the gardens I have ever gazed at,longing.
An open windowin a country house-, and you almost stepped out, pensive, to meet me.
Streets that I chanced upon,-you had just walked down them and vanished.
And sometimes, in a shop, the mirrors were still dizzy with your presence and,
startled,gave back my too-sudden image.
Who knows?perhaps the same bird echoed through both of us yesterday, seperate, in the evening...

Lets talk about the Birds and the Bees shall we????

Yeah, you heard it write, i want to talk about this. In fact i want people around me to talk about it, and the very important issue of sex-education in schools. because they ( the Maharashtra government that is), just last week banned it. Reason???? its against social values, against a 5000 year old culture, against the wishes of parents, who would rather let their children grow up all confused about their very own existence,or take recourse to misleading sources of information on the net and all, thereby creating bigger problems.and no, they are not the first, there are a number of other states that have already banned this.

Its silly, to say the least. I was just having a conversation with my father, who himself happens to be a doctor. And i am fortunate to have been born in a family where at the tender age of 14, when i went through the changes that nature hath in store for me, my father made me sit down and explained a lot of things, and gave me some sound advice. I am sure my mother did the same for my sister. And i was also fortunate enough to have a biology teacher in school, who when teaching this NCERT chapter called Life Processes II, that talked about the human reproductive system, explain it as clinically and scientifically as possible, without resorting to being emabarrassed ( we had another teacher in the same school, who would leave the chapter to be read by students themselves). And today as i talked to my father, he told me about how as a kid himself, he and his brothers and all used to be flabbergasted at the way things moved. They used to have no idea of what was happening, they were confused, scared, to the point they thought they were "sinned".And they had no one to help them, for that was the way society was then, closed, with fathers and mothers rarely talking to kids openly. The society was good in its own other ways, but atleast in this way there was something wrong.

50 years down the line, the story i guess continues. Atleast thats what one gleans from the reports that appear in the news. The repercussions though are far more serious. Children grow up confused, unable to go to anyone at times, resorting to questionable sources of information, and in the worst of the cases, become victims of child abuse, many a times at the hands of thier own relatives. A recent study published here in the Hindustan Times indicated, India had one of the highest incidences of child abuse. A simple solution to this problem was this subject of introducing education in a structured manner to school going children. I read report of a school starting almost from class 1, and progressing to impart knowledge based on the child's mental and physical progress. the younger kids are first taught about differences between a good touch and bad touch, and all. I liked the system, atleast on paper.

But now that has been banned atleast in this state. The reasons, to the say the very least, are absurd.They talk about preserving the culture of the country against westernization. Bah. Strange it is, that some of the actually bad things have been beautifully imbibed into our system, with hardly a whimper, while the certainly better thing is being cried foul against.

And the worst part that i read, was that parents are against the subject. I do not know how true it is. But if it is, well i hardly can believe that we have progressed. I mean for politicians to claim all this shit, is understandable, they always like to use culture shit to get votes. but for so called educated parents ( i do assume parents sending kids to school, and good schools, atleast have some level of awareness and education), to behave such, is sad.

It is an issue that is serious, that is deep. and i guess it requires gargantuan efforts by doctors, physchologists and the like to change the mindset of the people at large. Only then could the governments be made to change stance.

Till then, its sad, perhaps very sad.

A new love affair

Yeah i am in love.
Shes smart, shes stylish, i love the sound she makes.
Shes got all it takes........to make a great bike. yeah, i finally get to own a motorcycle. In college, i did not have one, coz they banned them. for the first two years of office life, i was unsure how long i would stick in one place, so did not invest. Now finally i get to it.
Kudos, to a long and wonderful affair with my own Dhanno.:))

A new beginning

Aah, it sounds good now. For sometime now, ive been thinking of giving a new look to my cherie here. so i decided to rename her, gave her a new url and change a few things around. She looks pretty now doesnt she?

Welcome aboard dearest.

Budday hai ji

Its my dearest buddie's birthday today.And just as i was wishing her today, i just got transported back in time, aeons ago, to when birthdays used to be so much fun. A gala event to look forward to. The preparations for the same would start days in advance. With mummy first taking us to the new clothes store to buy us new clothes, a sparkling new style frock for my sister and a brand new pair of those jeans shorts ( oh were they in vogue then) and a t-shirt. The two-three days before the d-day would be spent, crafting all the invitation letters. I still remember the trademark cards. A coupe of baloons with the bunny in between. Then going all around the colony inviting all your freinds. Papa would be busy decorating the house with baloons and those red and blue and yellow and green colored paper strips. and a lot of other things. of course with our bhaiyas help. In fact when i was in roorkee, we had Phoolchand and suresh bhaiya, who were experts at conjuring all sorts of baloons. and then papa would chalk out all different sorts of games to be played and prizes to be given to the winning children. and of course there was the return gifts to be given. Celebrating a birthday was a project in itself, and the deadlines had to be met. The repurcussions could be disastrous you see.


On my eigth birthday mummy did something special. One, we celebrated my birthday and my sister's birthday together. and mummy learnt some new recipes for cakes from Rashmi aunty. in fact they together baked two cakes, a bunny rabbit shaped one for my sister and a long train shaped one for me. the train had one engine and three wagons attached to it. It looked beautiful but the bunny was even cuter. and i remember getting jealous at my sister.


Anyways, so thats how it used to be. on the day, you would go to school wearing one of those new dresses. Teacher would make you stand in front of the class while everyone sang happy birthday to you. and then you would go ahead and distribute toffees to everyone. Evenings would be great too. the party, all the kids partying around. you the center of attraction. everyone giving you all those presents you could not wait to open. and dare if anyone not come without a present. boy i was so devilish, that once a couple of my freinds they came to the party, but they did not get the present. and i went up straight to them and gave them that look before asking " where is my present"...........i still remember the scolding i had got later from papa. and it was lesson in manners too for me. That was papa for me, loving always, but quick to set me right if i did things wrong. and of course so was mummy.

Well, to end it all, birthdays were always that much fun. Of course, as we grew up these things seemed kinda arcane. The home parties gave way to outings,the toffees to a treat for freinds at the school canteen ( the wearing of civil dress to school had been done away with much earlier), and when we came to college, to more elaborate katao the budday boy/girl plans.

Yet those early birthday parties remain my sweetest memories.

Anyways, this post is actually dedicated to my dearest buddy. dunno why today suddenly brought back all those memories. :)). A very very happy budday to you once again buds.

Chaos.

Exquisite is the word

Trust Pritish Nandy and team to showcase emotions in their truest sense. And showcase they did. "Just Married". A beautiful and poignant story about two souls and their relationship, from complete strangers to sudden bonding by the system of arranged marriage, to the intial apprehensions to the new life, the getting to know and understand each other, the slow build up of trust, despite the one off tiff. A tiff, that is short lived and yet is natural when two people come closer and try to get on. But all this kaleidoscope of emotions, was portrayed in a way no other movie i know has done. Simple, yet touching.

The story. The boy and the girl meet at a common wedding, but no interactions. The girl is surprised her freind has become a bride without even knowing who the man is. The boy is equally astounded his freind has come from the US to become the groom without knowing who his bride his. Ironically, the boy and the girl find themselves in the same situation, wherein they are engaged after a while, without knowing each other at all. They voice their apprehensions and yet finally bow to their parents wishes and get married.

The movie explores the relationship as it develops between the newly wed over their honeymoon weekend. The intial formality, the girls inhibitions, the boy trying to understand her, the final breaking of the ice between the two, a small misunderstanding, a little bit of pain, as the two want to make-up but find it hard to do so, and yet the finale when they do start believeing they are made for each other. All this, beautifully woven into a poignant story. and interspersed by the romance between the 60 something couple out to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary, and that of three more couples. All in relationships of a different variety. yet bonded by that common thing, love and respect for each other.

And yeah they show the mellowness of age. when the protagonist, in a moment of frustrating at having had a tiff with his better half, asks why do people get close enough, if it only has to become a habit......why do people love if it just ends up becoming a silly habit. And the old man replies " If it had not become a habit, i would not fear for her when she gets sick, i would not get scared at the thought of age creeping on her".

A must see, sweet and wonderful movie this one.

Chaos

Whew!!!!!!

Its been a whirlwind of an extended weekend. Extended, because monday here was a holiday on account of Gudi Parv, the marathi new year. Well it was actually not extended for me, coz i was working till late on saturday night.

But its been a whirlwind for a different reason. And thats coz i met neha and pragati, my old school buddies. Neha had come down from bangalore for an official trip to pune so she came over here. And so the three of us got together and had some real nice time. But well, not before some other excitements, like me getting held up in office for a time longer than i thought, neha getting delayed at her office, and starting late from pune and reaching late here in mumbai, my indicating to her, that i might just get a little late in picking her up, and she getting all red, rightly so. Then my asking her to stay at my place for the night, since it was too late to drop her at her guest house which i did not know the exact location, and then when she agreed, to very calmly leave her alone and go back to office coz the boss called. Boy, I could just about picture her, ready to tear me apart with something. But well, you know me, i am a devil. and i do like to take advantage of the fact that my freinds are all gems.......errr and i know you too are one, and will not show this to neha. promise???

So moving ahead, we had a nice sunday evening together, chittering chattering about all the things that life had to offer, and that we as young 5th class kids did in school. I for sure must say these two freinds of mine have a strong memory. goes to show i am getting old. and i better do something about it. And yeah we had a photosession all of us. Just about brought the whole of mumbai to a standstill, with these two dudettes and the stud along with them. Lolzzzzzz. it was actually crazy, all of us clicking snaps like mad while we waited for the local at bandra station. and we did allow one uncle ji to explore his photography talents.

The evening ended with all of us landing at pragati's place for some time, me showcasing my horrible dancing skills, and finally bidding the two ladies good night, before i returned to my den.

And today me and neha, we went to watch this movie that both of us really liked. and the movie deserves another post so ill write again a little later.

a wonderful weekend, lots of lovely moments and all caught within myself to savour. It sure is great to meet old time buddies. Makes you want to come alive all over again.


Chaos

Yes!!!!!!!!! there are no supermen

There is this funny yet sad thing that i have been noticing for some time now. all around me i see a lot of people with failed relationships, with things that did not work out between couples for some reason or the other. and while i am no one to comment on what was right or wrong, i do notice one peculiarity. And that being, the guy always being the one in the wrong.


Till sometime back, i also saw it this way only. i would always see my own bretheren as the ones who would by their crass nature spoil relationships and all. yes i did that. and yet today i read this one comment somewhere on a post of another spoilt relationship ( i am sorry if i am rude in counting out the relationship, but having seen so many, i cannot but view it absolutely dispassionately). and while there were a lot of comments about how the boy was absolutely crass and all and people said things to the extent that the lady was better off without him, i read this one comment, which talked about looking from the boy's angle. and that set me thinking.


We all are humans, we all have emotions, boys or girls. so why is it, that all the time it is the boy who gets painted as the evil was a first question i asked? and just like that comment, why is this not brought out that he also has to have balance between his family and the one person he now loves. And if he unable, to strike that balance finally decides to choose the family, why is he made to be the one who is in the wrong. whereas, if the girl does something similar, she is shown to be in the right. after all family matters.

No i dont intend to play a blame game here. i dont want to pit one against the other too. and i do have the strongest amount of disgust for some of the guys who have played real truant. i know some have.

But sometimes relationships going just fine also break off. and while it would be very easy to put the blame on the guy for being insensitive, for not taking a stand ( especially if he was the one who took the first step), if one were to look at it a little more dispassionately, one would realise that really speaking no one would be to blame.

Sometimes, circumstances just about arent in your favor. and then, since the breaking point has to be some reason, it takes the form of ( unfortunately so), the boy taking some unreasonable stand. True, here in lies the inherent emotional immaturity of the boy who is not able to balance things as well as the girl of his age. a girl would be much more emotinally mature and stronger than the boy her age...more specifically this tender age of between 23-25.

Its very easy to say that one has to keep a distinction between the different catagories of people that you love, as in your family, and then the one. But here when you are talking of an amalgamation of the two sets, will it anyway be simple?

This is not to say that reasons given by a person are correct. no they are not. but then as i said, sometimes when it has to break, it will break. there are things that will be in your control and things that will be not.

at the end of it, i guess its only the circumstance that you can actually blame.

Its easy to paint one as the victim and the other as the criminal. to be frank there are no vicitims and there are no criminals in this game. all are just........humans........humans who falter, humans who make mistakes, and sometimes those mistakes hurt others too. yet humans who learn from those mistakes.

No man is complete without his woman. So also no woman is complete without her man. Nature has built us so that both complete each other. And so we keep looking for that half our lives. Sometimes we find someone, who we think completes us. and sometimes we make mistakes in that. And sometimes even when everything works all right, circumstances do not. so we loose it. and then we get into this blame game.

I have as yet not seen one story where a guy is portrayed as the victim. i am sure there must be one there too. but again, the same argument should hold true. Circumstances.


Guess there really are no supermen. And when failures do happen, its circumstances that govern more than anything else.

chaos.

Dark Side of The Moon

I must admit at first, that i am quite new to the Pink Floyd scene, and i should have let Neeraj write this first, as the numero uno Pink Fan here from our batch, and one of the lucky few attendees to have witnessed Roger Waters live at mumbai ( of course, we were there too). But as luck would have it, i am here on my computer while he is right now lounging at the Nirmal Lifestyle mall, so i get to write about it first.
So here goes. This Sunday, was the performance by Roger Waters. It was billed only Dark Side of the Moon, however he played a number of other songs too, most notably his own solo ones. Anyways, beginning from the beginning of the euphoric end, we as in myself and my roommate reached Bandra MMRDA grounds here and met up with Neeraj and his school freind who also had come for the show. having got in quite early we settled down to watch the show. There was no seating, but then seeing the no of speakers around and also the two large screens that would afford the veiw of the stage, we thought it would not be that bad. The show began band at 7 in the evening, with the band initially playing some jazz, and some retro and well as new-age indi pop. Simultaneously, ( and this we only realised a little later), the main screen on the stage showed a very old classic radio in a small room, complete with a bottle of whiskey and some cigarettes and an ash tray. ever so often, a hand would come and tune the radio, in sync with the change in the songs being played initially. and then it started, as in Roger Waters came on stage and started hi part. He had with him, one person on the drums, one on guitar and one on the saxophone alongwith three ladies who served as the chorus.
The performance began with some songs from "The wall-final cut". I had not heard most of these so could not connect with the lyrics though the music was awesome. of course the sound system featured the trademark sounds of planes and bombing and all. Then came the ever so longing " Shine on you crazy diamond", with pictures of Syd Barrett on the main screen. This screen served to really connect the songs with photos and shoots kinda portraying the mood of the song being played. So with every song you could literally feel it happening. "wish you were here" was good and so were the other songs. Another notable feature was the Pink Pig Baloon, which was kinda indianised, with graffiti mentioning stuff like " Do away with the cast system" as well as the usual " Bush must be impeached". Was good that one.
After about an hour and a half the group took a break for 15 minutes before coming back to playing what i had come for " Dark Side of the Moon". And were they good? Breathe simply took my breath away. So did the others "on the run", "time", " money" "Us and them" " Eclipse" etc. Their were some changes in the music, changes and enhancements that simply made the expereince a "wow". All the songs had the audience swaying from head to toe. and so did we. Having listened to this album, more than any other i really enjoyed each one of them. When the final words " theres no dark side of the moon, in fact its all dark" rang out, we thought it was over. But then as one of my seniors wo saw the same concert in the US had said, Roger Waters came back again to play " Another Brick in the Wall" and one more song before finally closing it out with " Comfortably Numb".
Was just amazing the show was. The only Disappointment? they should have allowed us to carry cameras, simple ones that is. I wanted to click so many snaps. Guess its time i got a mobile phone camera. Neeraj had one but due to lack of battery we could only take a couple of shots. Still all in all, a memorable expereince.

Random

No wonder i called this random paths. Look at the last two posts. One goes east the other west.

Life is Phoenix

I don't know why I have opened this document and what I am writing. Call it a multitude of things I want to right about, or call it a zero I have. But I just want to write something. There are different kinds of people in this world. Some who stay quiet, keep it all to themselves and move about with nothing but the fire raging within themselves. And there are those like me, who see no merit in keeping it to one's self, especially when it has no form ( which is the specific case with me). They take it out, examine it, turn it around, and view it from a kaleidoscope of emotions to see whether it makes sense. And if it does they see what to finally make of it. Guess both have their merits and demerits, but for my kind of people, what the world sees of us is as big show off kind of cribbers. I must say the former conform to a more courageous and better type, because they, in their silence are able to give form to the fire within and get something out of it. Its like how pressure and heat within the core of the earth's crust maketh a diamond. Release it out and all you have is a volcanic eruption which can do nothing but destroy everything around. Yeah destroy it does, but it does leave a fertile ground, with the lava sowing the seeds for a brighter future. The past however, is wiped out. Or so it seems. Because it keeps lurking right there, ready to spring upon you when you are not guarded.

Anyways, I actually am a big cribber. I do crib a lot about the situation around me. I keep analyzing and analyzing and over analyzing situations till they start to make a contorted sense which to me seems good. They did not say for nothing that I could make a good scriptwriter for one of those nonsense saas-bahu rhapsodies. That I am not one, is thankfully a good thing.

And today I am in a big mood to crib about everything. In fact no, I am in a big mood to crib about my own self. I somehow can't seem to understand what kind of an individual I am. I know it sounds strange from an individual who sometime back wrote something about how he was learning so many things especially after watching that movie by the name of Lakshya. But coming back to the man that I am, I am confused. Confused as to where I am headed. I take a decision and I am not able to reconcile everyone to it. I do things in full knowledge of the consequences and then crib when the consequences happen. Then why did I take the decision. If I am the one who continuously harps on being practical, then why do I follow myself to take a decision that somewhere is bolder, more ambitious and is perhaps not steeped in this thing called practicality? That emanates from a certain corner of the human anatomy which gives rise to the best and at times the worst of what they call emotions. That involves not me alone, but others around me too, other much better individuals in all sense of the word. Aah, practicality, now that's an interesting word. Years ago I remember, I used to keep doing strange things around me. I used to take strong stands, and when asked why I did not do it the practical way, I used to boast that only when you are impractical does change happen. Big words, I must say, but yeah I stated them. And no it was not only a boast, but a genuine belief in that statement. And yet today I harp on just the opposite. So what has changed the circumstances or me? Well, no points for guessing its me. In the crudest of the terms, I could say one tries to act like a chameleon because one wants to be practical. Well maybe I am one too.

And this word "practical" - its a beautiful word for people like the above, perhaps the weakest souls that roam on this earth. They just keep talking about how they want to do, what they want to do, and still find myself absolutely incapable of taking any direct step in a particular direction. So what they do is rely on time, and say that time and tide shall show where it all goes. And they keep harping on this silly thing called hope.

The other day I had an argument with a senior who said she would prefer calculated optimism based on proactive action to mere hope, which she likened to being the tool of a petty gamble. So am I a gambler? A gambler who put his odds on a bet, to see how it would turn, and now with almost all cards out, knows that his hope is not working out, and yet is waiting for someone like a Shakuni to throw in that heavily loaded dice that turns things in his favor. Again, it's like you cannot yourself load the dice, you have to rely on that someone else. And that someone never comes, and you keep hoping and cribbing about it, asking for time, which is always a precious quantity.

Spineless, gutless I must say. I hate em. I hate em like anything. They blabber to the world all the greatest philosophies in the world and when it comes to acting out on their own, they don't. All they do is keep waiting for that one instance. Which anyways doesn't come. Sometimes I like to ask, why do such people exist? Maybe its because the good lord has in his balance sheet a record of good and bad, and so that the good does increase so much as to become boring, they keep some of these souls. Guess finally they too have a purpose. They are actually not purposeless.

But something somewhere tells me, even these people one day turn to the other side. when they realise they do have some spine there, some gut there. maybe when the last feathers of the phoenix burn out the beginning cometh. See, there again i see hope.
Guess life is a phoenix.

Chaos

Thoughts

p.s. - this was written some time back. i just did not get the opportunity to post it

Its about half past twelve in the night and I have just got up after an
absolutely terrifying session of ‘The Omen’ on my laptop. Guess I am a
little late in watching this movie, but for its worth it, it was a
little scary. Of course at the mature ( I know some people would scoff
at that, but yeah I just realized I am 24 plus so I ought to be mature)
age I am, I should not be scared. Anyways, that’s not the point why I am
right now on the laptop. I have not been influenced by the devil to make
me stay awake when I should be snuggling into my blanket. It just so
happens that I am copying the movie lakshya onto my laptop and while it
gets copied I just decided to write something. Its been a while now.
This movie lakshya happens to be one of my favorite movies for a
different reason. The plot is set around the armed forces and for a
change they have stuck to the basics of an army life, without resorting
to a lot of rhetorics and mistakes ( colonel wearing a corporals uniform
and so on). The reason I like this movie, is because it makes me live
even if virtually, a life I dreamt of living as a kid, that of an army
officer. A dream that still refuses to go away, despite all the
practicalities of life that i am in. A dream, fresh from the eyes of a
star struck young boy, watching in awe those smartly dressed young men,
marching to the tune of Beating the retreat and numerous other parades,
the passing outs at the IMAs and the NDAs of the world and so on and so
forth. Of course what i am now, you wouldnt beleive an ounce of what i
said. Yepp, it is true however. I always did want to be one like those
brave souls. For some reason I don’t know, this movie does it all the
more, make me want to go there. Maybe it’s the music. I don’t know. An
army kid I have been all through, and now sometimes it just about feels
a little strange. I mean a couple of years from now, there would be none
of that life, that is once my dad retires. I know I would never have
been able to stay on as an army man for long ( atleast that’s what maa
has driven into me), yet that life has something in it.


Its been a rather long month this past one. Lots of happenings,
mishappenings and all. Office was never as hectic as has been past
month. And no I am not complaining. It feels good to have worked hard. I
was kind of very cozily settled into a rather mundane routine here in
my company. So for a change we really worked, nights, holidays, Sundays
and all. The whole also helped me get over some of the personal tensions
I had. Some failures I encountered. I must admit I am very bad when it
comes to losing. Or atleast I was till this time. I do claim I have
learnt to accept and go around searching ways to turn things around. But
yeah only time and a further setback will really tell whether I have
learnt. The process has been painful, for me yeah, but more so for my
loved ones, my parents, my sister and some of my closest pals, who bore
the brunt of my shall I say moods.

And now that I see it, I realize that always however big I consider my
problems to be they are always very small compared to what those around
me go through. The lord has been good to me all the way. And guess he
just wants me to get a little stronger and learn to fight out things. As
I see back I really have not fought much this while, with things very
much getting to me quickly.

Aah I like this song quite a lot. Ahem it’s a little censored coz it
talks about the sutta, and what happens when a smoker does not get his
daily dose of sutta. No am no smoker. But I like the music. I have
similar feelings for one another amazing song by the same group. Put it
on your laptop when you have a deadline to finish and you don’t have
time and everything is operating according to Murphy’s law. I swear this
one will help. It helps to channel the tension out. Try it. Oops, sorry
ladies this ones not for you though.

And in other news I am going to learn the salsa. Oh yeah I am , believe
it or not. I have bribed/cajoled/threatened a close friend of mine to
accept me as her partner. The only thing that remains is to make her
sign the consequential damages clause with me. You see I do like to
“throw my weight around”. So that risk needs to be covered. And my
friend she happens to be a good lawyer so I need to be careful.

Hmm, a lot of thoughts completely unconnected to each other, what say?.
I could go on. But ill stop here. More next time when I really have
something to write on. In fact I do have, but don’t know how to put it.


chaos